I Love My Kids... But I Miss Who I Used to Be

One thing I've come to accept is that this journey of finding myself is still unfolding. At 41 years old, I'm still learning who Nikki is beyond being a mother, beyond running a business, and beyond being the person everyone counts on. There are days when I feel like I'm getting closer to the woman I want to become, and then there are days when I wonder if I've drifted too far away from the person I used to be.

For a long time, I thought the goal was to get her back. I found myself longing for the woman I was before life became so heavy, before motherhood reshaped my priorities, before responsibilities filled every corner of my calendar. I missed the freedom she had, the confidence she carried, and the way she dreamed without constantly wondering who needed her first.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I had been asking myself the wrong question. Instead of wondering how I could become the woman I used to be, I should have been asking myself who I'm becoming now.

The truth is, we're not supposed to be the same women we were ten or twenty years ago. Life changes us. Motherhood changes us. Love changes us. Heartbreak changes us. Every setback, every accomplishment, every lesson, and every season leaves its mark. That's not something to mourn forever; it's something to honor.

If you're reading this and you've been trying to find the old version of yourself, I want to encourage you to stop being so hard on yourself. That woman served her purpose, but she isn't the destination anymore. You are becoming a new version of her—one with more wisdom, more resilience, and a deeper understanding of what really matters.

I'm still on that journey myself. I don't have all the answers, and I don't wake up every morning feeling completely confident in who I am. Some days I still miss the woman I used to be. But I'm learning that growth isn't about going backward. It's about giving yourself permission to embrace the woman you've become, while continuing to discover the woman you're still becoming.

Maybe that's the reminder we both needed today. Stop trying to become the person you were. She got you this far. Now it's time to make room for the woman you're becoming, because she deserves just as much love, grace, and patience as the younger version of you ever did.