As I Approach 41: What My 40s and Therapy Have Taught Me

If you would’ve told me in my 20s or even my 30s that my 40s would be the most eye-opening years of my life, I probably would’ve laughed. But here I am, on the edge of 41, feeling more self-aware, more grounded, and more honest with myself than I’ve ever been.

My 40s haven’t been about chasing success or perfection. They’ve been about unlearning, healing, and understanding why I am the way I am.

Over the past year, therapy has become one of the best gifts I’ve ever given myself. It’s helped me uncover parts of my childhood that I never really took the time to look at. Things I brushed off. Things I told myself didn’t matter. But they did. The ways I respond to stress, the urge to always be “strong,” the guilt I feel for resting, all of it had roots I didn’t see until I slowed down long enough to notice.

I’ve learned that so much of who we are as adults is shaped by what we needed as children. The need to be validated, to be seen, to feel safe, those things don’t disappear when we grow up. They just show up in different ways. For me, it showed up in overworking, people-pleasing, and constantly pouring into others even when I was empty.

Therapy taught me to pause before I react. To give myself grace instead of guilt. To not always be the “fixer.” And to understand that strength doesn’t mean suffering in silence, it means allowing myself to feel.

As I approach 41, I’m realizing that this version of me, the one that’s softer, more patient, and at peace with imperfection, is the one I’ve been chasing all along.

I’m learning that healing isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about coming home to yourself.

So here’s to 41, to more peace, more boundaries, and more moments of joy that don’t require me to prove anything to anyone. Because at this point in my life, I’m not trying to be the old me again. I’m trying to be free.